Live Action Disney Heroines: The Ultimate Cast List #you’rewelcomehollywood

Ok I broke my promise, you know better than to trust the internet. But I’m coming back this week because I heard news of an alarming nature.

Emma Watson will be cast as Belle in the new live action Beauty and the Beast.

Fitting right? Wrong I say. Disney how could you let the internet win!

As some of you may already know (which is high treason and you will be held in custody for your crimes against humanity) many people demanded that Emma Watson be cast as Belle. I have nothing against Emma Watson, in fact I think she will do justice to one of the greatest animated characters of all time. However it is not who I wanted.

So without further ado, I present to you my Dream Casting for the Disney Heroines.

I got a lot of my inspiration from this Buzz feed post.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/kittykate4450/disney-dream-cast-dhzw?sub=2710688_1880276#.dh4zokG6B

And this collection of paintings.

My selection is based on who I think physically resembles the animated character as well as who can portray the character’s personality with the most accuracy. Please feel free to question my decisions, I would love to hear your casting choices.

ENJOY!

Emmy Rossum as Belle

           

Diana Argon as Aurora

     

Michelle Trachtenberg as Ariel

    

Naya Rivera as Pochontas

  

Amanda Seyfried as Rapunzel

       

Mila Kunis as Megara

    

Maggie Gyllenhaal as Jane

    

Gugu Mbath-Raw as Tiana

    

Emilia Clarke as Elsa (She fucking rocks white hair, braids, and the color blue)

     

Allison Brie as Anna

   

Juno Temple as Merida

   

Saoirse Ronan as Eilonwy

   

Freida Pinto as Jasmine

    

Annalynne McCord as Tinkerbell

  

Zhang Ziyi as Mulan

   

Rachel McAdams as Snow White

        

Dania Ramirez as Esmeralda

     

Candice Accola as Cinderella

     

Kat Graham as Kida

     

Aryana Engineer as Wendy

    

Tatum McCann as Alice

   

NON DISNEY ROUND!!!!!!

Alice Eve as Odette

    

Ellie Kemper as Thumbelina

      

Keria Knightly as Anastasia

    

There you go! I will be doing a Disney Prince live action cast as well in the next few days!

Thank you google images!

Tight Dress on a Tight Budget: How to be Healthy and Save Yourself Money

Hey Peeps! I am pushing myself to get back into blogging after I received my first follower in a year, and rekindled the fires of uncensored ramblings on the internet. Shout out to Johanna for breathing fire under my ass. A plate of crispy bacon awaits you in the afterlife. XOXO Carbie the UnBarbie. This New Year I will attempt a feat of greatest and resurrect the promise I once made to the world that has access to WordPress. I will submit a post every week. Now that I have graduated College, Moved to Nashville,   And got a Job at a Call Center,  ( I’m actually working at this moment. Ain’t you special). Working at the call center has awarded me with a lot of flexibility so…….. I’m back Betches!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Something that I have really wanted to write about is food. Being healthy this past year has been really hard for me. First there was finals/thesis/ graduation hell, then I moved, joined an overly priced gym, half-assed my money’s worth, and gained 30 lbs of extra love in all the right places. Meaning I am one curvaceous woman at the moment. Cheers to that! I know that now is the time to embrace my body. Society is going into an era “All about that Bass” and Mama B’ telling us to embrace our bodies. But you do not understand. I went off the deep end. I washed down an entire DiGirno pizza with a snack bag of Sun Chips, and Swiss Miss. I was out of control. Now that I’ve been living on my own, I have to pay for things like space heaters, and Spackle, and slotted spoons. I can’t justify buying a head of kale that I have to gradually choke down until it turns brown in the fridge. Then I have to hold a funeral for the once green leafy dollar bill that used to reside in pocket. Sleep well, Abraham, sleep. So I found a few ways to cut corners on the road to be healthy. However, This will not be suitable for Vegetarians, Vegans, and Glutarians. Not that I disagree with the decisions you are making (but seriously what is wrong with you bacon wrapped scallops are equivalent to crack).  I personally would not have the Herculean strength to go without meat for more than an hour. I applaud you, but no thank you. However, if you choose to hang in there you saucy masochists This blog post is not entirely saturated in Chili’s baby back ribs. I also have a few tips that you may already know about. In addition, I’m sure I talk about myself and not get to the point of my wildly pointless commentary way more than I reference meat. Like they say here in the South, “Ego before Chicken and Eggo’s” They really do say that here. Really they do. Seriously. Should I have capitalized the ‘c’ in “Chicken”? Fuck it. I made it up. Rule #1:  SUN’S UP GUNS UP: PROTEIN IN THE MORN The greatest thing I have learn thus far about changing eating habits is to cut sugar out of your morning. WHY? Because, Satan exists, and he wears Spandex, Nike sneakers, and luxurious black hair that looks perfect every fucking minute. Damn you, Nessa! Go back to hell from whence you came!!!!!! Her tip for cutting out sugar is not to have it (gotcha) in the morning. If you start your day with sugar, you end up craving it all day. How do you do this, you might ask? Great question you/me. Loading up on protein in the morning helps prevent your cravings and keeps you not hungry longer. Satan “cough, cough excuse me” my trainer recommended to eat 3-5 eggs in the morning and all the sausage I want. After a week of going cold turkey (literally) this method helped me a lox ;P. But, I know what you are thinking, “For Real Home Skillet, there are 12 egg in beatbox. I refuse to confirm to Costco and buy 40 eggs for Me, Myself and I-merica. Peace”.   (I know you were all thinking this) Not to worry that’s what this post if for, as well as a validation of my need to get involved in others lives. My cheat method for this is to purchase Egg Whites.  Add an egg (or not) and splash of egg whites in a pan, and it will save you money. Egg whites last a super long time and it does not take a lot to make the equivalent to 3 eggs. This has definitely saved me money, and throw in a few spices and it will save your breakfast. Rule #2 ITS DIIIIIIIPPPPPP!!!!!!!!! DIP Eat more veggies and fruit, that is a given and here a link to a list of Frufru’s and Veggieturntables that have low rates of sugar. Look at it, read it, whatever you want to do that’s what Google is for. I just don’t want you to read this empty handed. So here: http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/fruits-vegtables-good-low-sugar-intake-2148.html But here is the thing, I can not just eat broccoli or crucifixous vegetables as they like to call them, all by themselves. I have tainted taste buds and I’m not ashamed. My solution, Dip! Dip is delicious, and wonderful, and full of calories. Hidden Valley is truly hidden in your stomach rolls. Unfortunate, yes. Solvable, quite so insert name here. Friends or random individuals who stumbled upon this post and was drawn in by my creepy face, or clever title that really doesn’t make sense unless I explain it to you. Spoilers! I won’t! Good News. The answer is Plain Greek Yogurt. “What! That sour-ass wannabe, never call you back-” Compelling, yes but oddly satisfying. Plain greek yogurt with a dry mix of your favorite type of dipping dressing (I recommend onion or ranch) is phenomenal, but I suggest being liberal with the packets or it will taste mad salty.  Again, the best part is you can get giant tubs of plain greek yogurt and it will last you a long time.  + = Veggies new bestie If you are nervous about this experience, I recommend trying Sabra’s Greek Yogurt Dip. They also resemble the amazing taste of what I am describing. Feast your eyes on Dip. Rule #3: BERRIES ARE FUCKING EXPENSIVE I’ll say it again, berries are fucking expensive. Thank you so much for reading that twice. As you may have noticed, if you read the low sugar food link I posted that I said you didn’t have to read but I’m changing my mind now; berries are extremely good for you and have low sugar despite their uncanny sweetness. The answer is simple, freeze that shit!!!! Frozen berries you can buy in big-ass bags and it will last you a long-ass time. It is fantasstic. Just scoop or chip away with an ice pick the portion you want the night before and leave it in the fridge to defrost. It is a little more prep work, but it saves your vampiric dollar bills from crumpling into dust at the cash register. However, it is not the same as eating fresh berries. It’s more like eating berries after a mud wresling fight; drenched in accomplishment. So feel free to eat them with vanilla greek yogurt, or throw some Truvia on that shit. And exploit Pinterest, they know what they are doing with frozen berries. Did I just make a sexual reference? I feel like I did, and it makes me feel shiny and new… Rule #3 : AN ACTUAL RULE. BE PREPARED! I’am in no means trying to parent you, or tell you what to do, keep your eyes on the page I’m still talking. These are all suggestions that have worked for me they may not work for you, I encourage you to find your own alternatives and see what works for you. Pinterest has been a great resource for me on recipes that are healthy and quick to make. The great thing, is the app is free. Another big money saver. My biggest problem with being healthy is the snacking. I am always grabbing the shit bags of fun-sized Dorito’s and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (Some days I just want to eat the color Orange). But I didn’t know what else to do, the vending machine is always there and tenderly calls my name on my way to the bathroom. Me/ my Aunt Katie’s solution for this, Veggie Snack Bags. After you buy all your groceries take the time to make snack bags of all the cut up veggies and fruit that you have. So instead of grabbing prepackaged Dreamclusters, and Nutter Butters, you will go for the sliced satisfaction of delicious nutrition. You can double date these packs with the dip made in Rule #2. They’re celebrity squish names would be Dipables or Vegip, how adorable. I know this is a lot of prep work but you will look at yourself in the mirror and say thank you every time you open the fridge. Yes, they have mirrors on fridges. No, I do not own one. Rule #5: END ABRUPTLY TO MAKE THEM WANT MORE There you go. Thank you google images. Till next year betches!!!! 😉

Something old, Something new

This is an old personal essay, I re-worked, hope you like it!

So despite that my hair isn’t quite long enough to pull back without multiple length strands sliding out, I wear this black hair elastic on my wrist like friendship bracelets. I’ve found that hair elastics have multiple purposes they can be offered to coworkers and friends with no expectation of receiving them back. They can be a fantastic icebreaker, “Do you want to see me balance this between my nose and mouth?”, “I feel faint, I think it’s cutting off my circulation. Can you take it off for me? Ha ha your hand is mine now!”, and they make great weapons, “Target has been spotted. Middle finger slingshot is in place”. Getting back to my point, what confuses me is not that I wear hair elastics on my wrist, it’s the inadequate length of my hair. I don’t know why I keep cutting it short.

I have always been jealous of people with long hair. Donna from That 70’s Show, Beyonce, Celine Dion, and Tangled is officially my new all time favorite Disney movie, and it’s not just because of the horse. It’s all in the long locks of hair.

I’m going to give myself a pass on the first time I cut my hair; it was after my debacle of a decision to perm my hair. I thought I would look like a sexy Meg Ryan, from when she did Sleepless in Seattle, and When Harry Met Sally. The trouble with looking like Meg Ryan is you have to be Meg Ryan. So naturally I looked like the product of a relationship between a poodle and Chewbacca. After about year of endless hair products and diffusing the crap out of my hair; from my chin down was as dead as a deli. So I stopped going to my mom’s friend’s basement to get my hair done, and I went to a real hair salon. I had them  chop it all off, and throw on some erotic “layers” and “bangs”, and I looked pretty good. I thought I had a good thing going for me, and that’s where I messed up big time. The next time I went to the hair salon I just wanted a trim. But in the words of Aslan, “Things never happen the same way twice”. Needless to say that didn’t turn out too well and I vowed to let my hair grow out.  Women who have long hair don’t have to deal with it, if they’re having a bad hair day they can pull it back in ponytail or a bun or fancy clips with feathers – whatever you like. Eventually my hair grew out to the awkward stage. That horrible stage right between your shoulders and ears, where it’s not long enough to curl, or braid, or pull back. It’s a frustrating, impatient stage that makes women bob their hair the next four hair salon appointments.

After 2 years I’m currently living in the awkward stage now and still in recovery, it’s a constant struggle but well worth the fight against myself to cut it. Maybe if  I don’t cut it ever again I’ll look like Crystal Gayle. I can only hope.  One day at a time. One day at a time.

Hey so I am moving my posts to Sundays because my Saturday shifts are too hectic to fit writing in. See you next week; we’re going to talk about the cheap red necks who keep dumping tires in our backyard.

All images were from google images

Tip Tap it’s a Trap

For the longest time I swore never to have a touch screen phone  because I can stand it. I always misspell words and have to go back and redo sentences. For instance, “Hey what happened last night?” = “Hsey what happenrx lasy nigjr” your friend’s response to that is “I think you know, looks like you were thaer ;)”. As my mother likes to put it, I don’t go to the “Library” (wink, wink)  that often, so I didn’t want a button less phone to make people think I spend my time Atlas Drugged.

Last Christmas my dad was supposed to get my sister and I IPhones (IPhones are exceptions, because we all know Apple is going to create IBrain where you can email, chat, text, take pictures, and Skype with the blink of an eye. Best not fight it, it’s in your food now). Unfortunately, my dad is a money magician, when it’s time to pay up the money disappears. Which I think is hilarious because my dad is the vice president of loans at a bank. So if I wanted to report him, the phone conversation would go something like this,

“I have a verbal agreement, and written agreement that has been declined reimbursement”

“Can you give me the name of the lender?”

“Yeah, it’s the asshole sitting at your desk”

We had this huge fight and then 5 months later he sends us an apology email from his new IPhone; I raise my brow to you sir I raise high and I raise it proud. Text 1PROUDBROW for more information about our programs dedicated to providing paternal support. Again, that’s 1PROUDBROW or visits us online at http://www.daddyissues.org. My mom ended helping my sister and I get those new androids. It ‘s not that I don’t like my phone, it was really awesome that my mom did this for us I just hate touch screen. The key boards are so tiny and my thumbs are so stubby;  thanks dad another  thing you’ve cheated me out of . However, it occurred to me that things are getting smaller IPhones are thiner and smaller, we now have IPad mini’s, and laptops that are essentially tablets with keyboards, and IPods are so small now they don’t even exists .

ISpeck  ______> .

So does that mean people are getting smaller? It made sense to me, when my school had open house for incoming freshmen the students looked like Polly Pockets. So I checked the internet and I found some fancy pictures and graphs. Turns out Americans are the exact opposite which is why I we are getting phones this big

How on earth are we suppose to carry these phones, they barely fit in our hands.  Women are all set because we have purses the size of microwaves, but for men there is no way pockets are being made big enough.  Unless we go back to South Pole jeans and they all have to dress like this again

Or even worse this

And don’t want to scare you world but in my search I found this

 

And this

 

 

I wish I could leave you with something positive and inspiring to think about to prevent fashion nightmares of fanny packs resurfacing, but I have no words to comfort you.  All I can give you is a picture of a baby otter, a quote by Chuck Norris, and my deepest sympathies.

 

“Whatever luck I had, I made. I was never a natural athlete, but I paid my dues in sweat and concentration and took the time necessary to learn karate and become world champion.”
Chuck Norris 

These are the websites I visited today and my other post will be up later tonight!

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/chuck_norris.html

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTn-d7TMLj6yAfalhOdsRajxvArfGi86OVBmhqqsImV-2-En0RvQYnNBkOe

http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/height-weight-teens.shtml

http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/height_weight.shtml

http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/height-chart.shtml

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/26/ideal-weight-americans-weigh-pounds_n_2193385.html

http://ahundredyearsago.com/2012/02/06/average-height-for-males-and-females-in-1912-and-2012/

 

Yugg Mcnuggets

I’m so sorry, I had every intention of posting a blog yesterday, but I had to pull a huge shift 😦 so I’m going to put up two new posts next Saturday to make up for this week! 

Tha Ta for now

 

Expecting White

So I’m back home for the summer and I’m in this weird situation. My sister and best friend are abroad right now so I’m trying to find people to hang out with back home. But everybody I know from high school is pregnant and/or married. I even have one friend who has a Pinterest Board Labeled “My Wedding” and I asked her, I said,

“Brooke, are you even engaged?”

“No.”

“Then why do you have this?”

“It’s gonna happen.”

This is true, if you want it to be true, marriage will happen. But the best part is, it doesn’t need to happen today. Marriage isn’t a class you’re required to take before your 40, and it doesn’t have an expiration date. If you go to city hall at the age of 80 and request a marriage license, they don’t ask you to lift your arms and measure your sag. “I’m sorry the limit is 2 ½ inches and just by looking at you I know I’ll need a measuring tape. Your request has been denied. Now if could check out the way you came in, we have a rush of expecting 39 year old teachers who want their maternity leave after their honey moon but right before summer school starts”.

I feel like the odd one out because I went to school. I grew up thinking that going to college was expected. College was brought up a lot throughout my life.

“Mom I won’t do my homework.”

“Too bad. You are doing your homework and going to college, now color that cat.”

“Mom, Aaron pushed me and said I was stupid.”

“It’s okay, he’s not going to college.”

“Jessi doesn’t have a job”

“Jessi doesn’t have to help with college.”

“Mom I don’t wait to wait till marriage.”

“Do I look like I’m gonna take care of your babies. No, you are going to college, unless you want to pay me 6 billion dollars in rent.

“Mom, I don’t want to go to college.”

“Too bad. Do your homework. Have you finished that cat yet?”

I was under the impression that there was a nuclear order of things:  graduate high school -> go to college -> find potential husband -> graduate college -> get dream job the day after graduation -> get married to potential husband -> have kids -> die.

Now it’s more like:  graduate high school ->  show up for college -> try drugs -> graduate college broke -> move back in with parents -> sell drugs -> meet someone on the internet -> get married broke -> divorce broke -> meet someone at rehab -> get married again and become a step parent -> go back to drugs -> die -> finish paying college loans.

No college version:  get pregnant -> get job -> go back and get GED -> get better job -> have another baby -> move back in with parents -> meet someone on the internet -> get married broke -> divorce broke -> children grow up ( 1 out of the 2 will repeat this cycle)-> die -> finish paying bills.

Don’t get me wrong. I have heard of some beautiful stories about couples who fell in love in high school and maybe there was a baby, or maybe the military, and I really support these couples. I just roll my eyes at broke couples with nothing better to do than get married and then post about their weddings problems.

Stacey Ducklips Posts

I guess Jared’s ex- is in my bridal party WFT #countdowntobaby

Even in college my friends are talking about marriage and posting pictures of engagement rings on Facebook, and buying matching Vera Bradley bags (irrelevant but annoying). They act like married women whenever we have to cut through Macy’s to get to the mall. One day they made me look at dishware china sets with them. Megan picked a white one with a simple silver rim and Nicole picked one that was just plain white, and liked the one with this oriental design. You would find in a glass box on the wall of a Chinese restaurant. If you’re getting china it might as well look Chinese. I thought that these plates would be the everyday dish wear, no, no, no, no, no. This was the “special” china, that you keep locked up in the dining room and use on very special occasions like Christmas and anniversaries. Then I argued with them that an annual celebration wasn’t special enough to lock up $600 worth of plates. I wonder what happens to the silverware.

Maybe it’s my lack of romance that makes me against this forward thinking of my peers. I don’t like to be around people for long periods of time (my personal bubble is the size of Montana), I’m awful at communication, and I’m oblivious to most pick up lines. True Story: When I worked in retail I had a customer explain to be that I was being hit on. Despite my lack of interest in marriage at this time in my life, it doesn’t mean that I don’t share the same feelings as people my age. I’m graduating college next year and I don’t know what I’m doing, where I’m gonna be its all very nerve racking. Marriage and starting families forces you to get your life started but the open field of possibilities is a field of flowers so pick a few before you mow over it with a housing development. You got plenty of time!

Today’s blog is inspired by Jenna Marbles thoughts on marriage. I think she is super funny and I share a lot of her view point’s! Watch her video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F_ZZEuVLaw

Fitting First

I’ve never “blogged” before, I’m not quite sure I know what I’m doing but I’ve been assured that it’s not too difficult. I was a little nervous to start a blog. Whenever I thought about blogging for some reason I see my college neighbor Chris; he wears those huge ray bands glasses that make him look like a hipster. I see him sitting at my old wooden desk but he’s not in my room, he’s not even in my house. The room he is in is lime green with one metal desk lamp shinning on the corner of the desk. The strange thing is he isn’t typing on a laptop, or one of those flat screen desktops, he is typing on the old off-white computers with the monitors that looked like a robot’s foot from the side and a mini TV from the front. And for some reason Chris’ face is obnoxiously close to the screen of the monitor; nose on glass action. In my head is see Chris using his right index finger to type something you would find in a break up letter between warring countries; YOU WILL SURRENDER MY IPOD, AND MINI FRIDGE FOR YOUR ALLIANCE WITH THE REPUBLIC OF CHAD. THE GENOCIDE OF YOUR BELONGS WILL IMPEDE AFTER YOUR COMPLIANCE WITH THESE TERMS IN THE NEXT 72 HOURS. IF NOT I WILL BURN ANY SURVIVING CLOTHING RESIDING IN MY TERRITORY. TREASON’S A BITCH. In reality Chris has a blog but he made it for his communication class; I have no idea what he uses it for. I think that I visualize him when I think about blogging because I always think that bloggers wear large glasses. Obviously my ideas on blogging do not reflect the true blogging experience.

  *I see a foot*

So what do you do when you’re unsure about something? Consult your doctor if you are experiencing light-headedness, and the inability to pronounce words that are synonyms for “easy” such as:  simplification. Doctors are expensive so I asked my mom, who told me to ask my friends who were incredibly vague; “You just write what you want and you don’t get in trouble for it. Now will you let me finish Game of Thrones?” I thought I was lucky when we covered blogging in Writing for the Media, but it just made it worse. There is blogs about everything from plants to technology, from wine to water, big issues, small issues, the issues that need tissues, and issues with a fish blue.

Racism, Sexism, Terrorism, Tourism it’s all up for grabs. I wanted to do some additional research to narrow down the craft of blogging so I decided the only reasonable resource for a problem like this is Wikipedia, 1) Because they share the fraternal bond of internet resources that people mistake for fact, 2) I just finished finals and I’m gonna be lazy cause I’m a senior. Holla back. (notice I’m so lazy I didn’t even spell “because” correctly in that declarative sentence). Wiki-wack drops the beat on seven types of blogs:

1)      Personal Blog  <- I be up on that

2)       Microblogging  <- essentially Facebook, Twitter. I didn’t know I was already a microblogger.  I feel like a boss.

3)      Corporate/organizational Blogs <-Marketing, and extending the communication of an organization or corporation. My bro does something like this. He is also a boss.

4)      Genre Blogs <-pick something write about it, get busy, and unlike my Pandora Beyonce station, be consistent.

5)      5-7 are a couple of blog types that I’m not interested in talking about. I did say I was feeling lazy. But here’s a link to the Wikipedia types of blogs definitions. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blog#Types

I think the most important thing I’ve learned about blogs is that you can’t say whatever you want. You shouldn’t make up stories about celebrities and create a spin-off bible series like How I Walked on Water, or 11 in Counting. It’s mean and nobody wants to get sued, “or worse expelled” (Hermione Granger).

all images provided by google images!

Procraftination

Hello All,

I feel terribly awful to have my first post be put up so long after I created my blog page. I had this massive surge of inspiration to create a blog as a tool to work on my writing. The only thing was I made it smack in the middle of the week before finals so I’ve been swamped with work. In all honesty I’m still swamped with work, I just wanted to say that I won’t be able to start posting for another two weeks. Yes, this is a pretty dick move, I feel like that kid who has to tell you a secret while you are doing something really important, like playing in the final round of 4 squares and you are this close to getting Big Jared G disqualified but he has the love of general public of 4th and 5th graders. Therefore in a false moment of victory you are voted out by your peers and this memory haunts your entire life, not just because the ostracism you experienced but the hurt you felt when I backed out of telling you a secret because you suck at 4 squares. Weekends back home are crazy.

What you can expect to see on my blog page in the next two weeks will primarily be personal stories, forms of fiction writing, and possibly some poetry. I will virtually see you soon.

“tha, ta” for now