Tip Tap it’s a Trap

For the longest time I swore never to have a touch screen phone  because I can stand it. I always misspell words and have to go back and redo sentences. For instance, “Hey what happened last night?” = “Hsey what happenrx lasy nigjr” your friend’s response to that is “I think you know, looks like you were thaer ;)”. As my mother likes to put it, I don’t go to the “Library” (wink, wink)  that often, so I didn’t want a button less phone to make people think I spend my time Atlas Drugged.

Last Christmas my dad was supposed to get my sister and I IPhones (IPhones are exceptions, because we all know Apple is going to create IBrain where you can email, chat, text, take pictures, and Skype with the blink of an eye. Best not fight it, it’s in your food now). Unfortunately, my dad is a money magician, when it’s time to pay up the money disappears. Which I think is hilarious because my dad is the vice president of loans at a bank. So if I wanted to report him, the phone conversation would go something like this,

“I have a verbal agreement, and written agreement that has been declined reimbursement”

“Can you give me the name of the lender?”

“Yeah, it’s the asshole sitting at your desk”

We had this huge fight and then 5 months later he sends us an apology email from his new IPhone; I raise my brow to you sir I raise high and I raise it proud. Text 1PROUDBROW for more information about our programs dedicated to providing paternal support. Again, that’s 1PROUDBROW or visits us online at http://www.daddyissues.org. My mom ended helping my sister and I get those new androids. It ‘s not that I don’t like my phone, it was really awesome that my mom did this for us I just hate touch screen. The key boards are so tiny and my thumbs are so stubby;  thanks dad another  thing you’ve cheated me out of . However, it occurred to me that things are getting smaller IPhones are thiner and smaller, we now have IPad mini’s, and laptops that are essentially tablets with keyboards, and IPods are so small now they don’t even exists .

ISpeck  ______> .

So does that mean people are getting smaller? It made sense to me, when my school had open house for incoming freshmen the students looked like Polly Pockets. So I checked the internet and I found some fancy pictures and graphs. Turns out Americans are the exact opposite which is why I we are getting phones this big

How on earth are we suppose to carry these phones, they barely fit in our hands.  Women are all set because we have purses the size of microwaves, but for men there is no way pockets are being made big enough.  Unless we go back to South Pole jeans and they all have to dress like this again

Or even worse this

And don’t want to scare you world but in my search I found this


And this



I wish I could leave you with something positive and inspiring to think about to prevent fashion nightmares of fanny packs resurfacing, but I have no words to comfort you.  All I can give you is a picture of a baby otter, a quote by Chuck Norris, and my deepest sympathies.


“Whatever luck I had, I made. I was never a natural athlete, but I paid my dues in sweat and concentration and took the time necessary to learn karate and become world champion.”
Chuck Norris 

These are the websites I visited today and my other post will be up later tonight!









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